Well I never!
by Naseka
Summary: Joseph and the boys from the security room play a game of I've Never. What happens when one of them asks something a little too personal? ONESHOT.


Let's say this is set about a week after he proposed.

Tonight I sat around a small bonfire with some of the men from the security room. There were seven of us there: Shades, Lionel, Boris, Matthew, Leon, Harold and Me. This had become a regular Saturday night activity, sitting around the fire and drinking bottles of whiskey. Usually we sit there talking and playing drinking games, but tonight Boris suggested that we play a game of "I've never". In that game, one person tells the group something that they've never done and then they go around the circle and the others say whether or not they've done it too. I used to play that game back in my school days.

First Boris made it quite clear that anything said stays said and was not to be repeated.

We all agreed to it, then Matthew started it off by saying, "I've never eaten human shit."

And then Leon said, "What about dog?"

We all started laughing and then went around the circle. Amazingly, none of us had eaten it.

Next Boris said, "I've never been to London."

Lionel told him that that was a stupid thing to say and that it wasn't interesting enough. Then Harold asked him if he had a better one and Lionel said, "Well, I've never swam nude."

Shades and Harold were the only other ones who hadn't done that, which didn't surprise me one bit, since they don't even fully undress t shower.

Then it was my turn to say something. I let out a long sigh and said, "I've never been with another man."

Then Shades said, "Ha, you're too busy with the queen for that kind of thing!"

I gave him the evil eye while he laughed with the other guys.

"I've never been alone in a room with the queen," Leon said.

Most of them said they had never been alone with her, then they all looked at me.

"Of course I've been alone with her, I'm her head of security! We go over security plans and…"

"I've never kissed her," Harold interrupted.

"Who has?" Lionel asked.

They looked at me again. I could tell they were going to start asking more questions trying to find out exactly "how far" I had gone with the queen and I felt that since there wasn't really much to say anyway and that nothing would leave the circle, it seemed safe to share.

"Alright! I admit it, we have shared a kiss or two, but I really don't think that's an appropriate question."

They started making "wooing" sounds and nudging me with their elbows, saying, "Ooh, you sly guy."

Much to my displeasure, Leon decided to say, "I've never boned her."

Once again, they all started staring at me, this time with smirks on their faces. That was too much! It's one thing to ask if I've ever kissed her, but this was just crossing the line. It made me angry and I couldn't help but pick him up by his collar and yell at him, "One does not 'bone' the queen, one makes love to the queen and before you say it, no I haven't had the privilege yet, but I will someday and it's going to be the best night of my life. You on the other hand will never EVER lay a finger on her as long as I'm around and if you do, I will make sure you never get to use that finger again, am I understood? Now, you are not to mention her in this game again and you are never ever to speak of her in such a manner, understand?"

He nodded and I dropped him.

Next he stood up, adjusted his collar and said, "So, who's up for a game of Truth?"

I stormed away from the fire and went straight to the palace kitchen, only to find my love sitting there with a stack of papers, listening to her classical music and sipping her tea. She stood up and smiled at me, which immediately erased all the anger from my mind. She then slowly moved towards me and put her arms around my waist, leading me into a dance. It was actually more of a romantic sway and it felt really nice just breathing in the scent of her hair. How I wish she would just leave her position and run off with me.

"How are you today?" I asked

"Fine. Why aren't you out with the boys?"

"They were asking me things that I wasn't very comfortable answering."

"Mmm…like what?"

She was half falling asleep on my shoulders, looking so beautiful, "Just things…about

you…and me."

She lifted her head up, "About us? What were they asking?"

"Just things…have I kissed you…have I…"

"And what did you tell them?"

She had a concerned look in her eyes, "Well?"

"I said we'd shared a few romantic moments…"

"You didn't?"

"You think I should have lied?"

"No. It's just…why were they asking?"

"A game."

"Oh."

"You didn't tell them about our little rendezvous on the terrace, did you?"

I smiled remembering that night when I first kissed her and told her I loved her, "Of course not."

"Good."

Her head sank into my chest and we continued swaying. A minute later I asked her if she'd been thinking about us. She told me to ask her in two weeks, because she hadn't quite thought it through. It's strange how she can calm my anger just with a warm smile or a soft kiss, which is what she's doing now. I'm never happier than when I'm with her and nothing else can change that.

* * *

ONE-SHOT (as usual). We all know what ends up happening anyway. R & R! 


End file.
